My grandfather died last night.
My grandfather died last night and it sucks pretty bad right now. I knew it was comming but the actual shock of it happening is pretty fucking rough. He died at 12:30 central time and the wierd thing is that for no good reason I woke up out of a dead sleep at 1:30 last night…I practically jumped out of bed….
The wake is tomorrow night and the funeral is thursday…in louisiana…and I am in new york…….the school I am at doesn’t excuse absences at all for any reason including hospitalization and death in the family….I don’t really care about that, I’d leave if it were possible, but a flight out of jfk on such short notice is like 600 bucks that I don’t have b/c my house doesn’t close till friday……..Now would be a time that I would get fucked up to the point of unconsiousness in the past, but I choose not to do that today. I don’t get loaded no matter what happens in my life. Even if I’m stuck in NY and have to miss my favorite grandfathers funeral….
On another note, I’ve been to a few meetings up here and the people are really cool and caring….I need a meeting pretty bad right now and can’t wait till tomorrow night…it’ll feel good to get to a safe place where people understand just how hard it is for an ddict like me to lose someone and not go get loaded over it…..till then I have all my NA family from back home calling me and checking in on me about every 30 minutes and it feels good to be loved like that.
So pawpaw, where ever you are, I and very sorry I’m stuck up here but I think you know that and I love you very much….now at least the pain has stopped for you…and I’ll see you again one day…..
I’m tired now…sorry for the shitty, disjointed post….I just had to write something….
February 21st, 2007 at 8:52 am
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are honoring him more than you realize by doing what yer doing. You’re extremely lucky to have even had his presence in your life, much less such an obvious positive force in your life. My Dad’s dad’s life peaked in high school when he was a football star in Jefferson, TX then he took up cheap whiskey and whores. My Mom’s dad tho a succesfull entrepeneur was a complete alcoholic/pharm abuser (he started the feed & seed store in Bastrop, LA which keeps much of my uncle’s family going but also drank bottle of vodka a day and the fruit bowl in his kitchen was FULL of prescription bottles).
Hey I somehow got a free book in the mail and I wish I could tell you how I got it cause it’s pretty good reading and I thought about ya cause it’s by a Chef. He talks like he has a show but I’ve never seen it but his book is pretty cool. He writes like he’s a friend to the over average intelligent, old 70’s NYC punk rock affecionado manly man cool dude cook scene. It’s called “The Nasty Bits” Anthony Bourdain and it’s pretty entertaining.
February 21st, 2007 at 8:24 pm
I’m sorry Blake. Your GrandPa sure love you too.
February 22nd, 2007 at 3:58 pm
You’re doing well in this trial and I agree with Noor that your gf would be PROUD. Keep on keeping on-
Kits
February 27th, 2007 at 6:09 pm
hey man,
it’s been about a week. you hangin’ in?
ctown