13th August 2007

short snippet to say im alive… just

posted in Everyday |

What was all that rubbish about life being good?

i don’t have time to write about whats been going on but i can assure you i have been doing myself no favours. got myself a taste for crack, snowballs to be precise. i am puking up blood and have been for the past few days. ive lost too much weight. my body is in such a mess, it is just so disgusting.

i will write something with some substance, soon. i promise. at the moment i have to go drink.

i am at my nannas house and i suddenly started to cry as my mum, sister and my twin nieces left. for days already i have been walking around in a daze. i just cannot shake off the feeling that i really want to just die. please give me an answer god, what should i do? will things get better? shall i hold out?

i had to laugh as i walked into the conservatory to have a ciggarette… there against the wall between my grandads bookshelf and his bureau was his shotgun. a coincidence? i doubt it.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 13th, 2007 at 5:31 pm and is filed under Everyday. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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  1. 1 On August 22nd, 2007, Luke said:

    like your blog. your very good at putting things into words. i am a recovering heroin addict myself, 5and half years. i hope someday soon you’ll be able to look at this blog from a new perspective. i sort wish i had a record of what was going on at the end of my addiction. i do remember my last shot. it was in the basement of an abandon house in kensington, philadelphia. not the fancy kenso you have over in london, but one of the toughest hoods in the world, also known for the purest heroin. i was 140lbs., sick and dirty, nobody would talk to me anymore, and nobody would let me in, it was february first 2002, and cold as balls. luckily i was able to get into a detox, my 30th, or so. the state would not fund me for another rehab though, so after a 5day methadone taper it was off to a halfway house in the same drug infested area that i had used in. they sold heroin and crack on the very same block, a block down junkie whores plied their wares day in and day out. i was to live here for two years. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. beat that shit on home field. now i’m free, for today at least,now i live in nice area and work in a rehab, i have a legal car with a drivers license, and have responded to my treatment for hep c. working with scumbags like myself has allowed me to survive and prosper, not to mention help. i was a hope to die needle in my neck scumbag, if i can stay clean, i’m hoping you can too.
    love, luke

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