Seedless

Tuesday 14th of March, 1999 Opiated, cracked out mess…

It was just an normal day, routine pick up of heroin and crack and my running mate was known for his contstant OD’s and wasnt the best driver when loaded, duh’. Kristopher and I were driving the Volvo on the expressway we both already shot a few bags and were feeling good. I was riding shotgun and packing the rock pipe and was pretty geeked out. We were driving in the fast lane going about 70′ish [mph] when Kris started nodded off at the wheel, I nudged him and kept my hand on the steering wheel so we wouldnt veer off into the median. He woke up angry and ranting [as usual], he grabbed the wheel and didnt realize the situation and turned it hard right. As luck would have it we were right next to a semi-truck and our car veered to the right as the hood of the car went crashing underneath a semi-truck trailer. The front dash was pushed in far, the shattered but intact windshield was right on my face.

So here we are with the hood of the car lodged underneath the trailor and we are getting dragged down the interstate sideways stuck under a speeding semi trailor. Kris was alert yelling, What should I do? What should I do? I remember telling him to hit the brakes and whip the wheel, I couldnt think of anything else to do but thinking back we should have just let the truck slow down and stop. Although who knows what would of happened? As we spun loose from the trailor we spun a few 360’s accross the 3 lanes of traffic [how we didnt get hit by another car is a miracle unto itself]. We flew off the shoulder of the road and got stuck in a earth embankment.

Whoa… What the fuck just happened, I am in a state of shock and my hands are all cut up and blood is all over the place. I ask Kris if he is ok and all I get out of him is a breathy reply….

“I think so, I think so”…

I had to throw all my weight into the car door to get it open as the crash had fucked it up. I immediately ran up the hill and tossed all of our needles and pipes as far as I could took the dope and stashed it well on my person [stupid thinking back]. Soon the cops and an ambulance showed up and started asking their questions.

“Our tire blew and we fish-tailed uncontrollably and slid under the truck next to us, next thing we know were skiding sideways stuck under the truck”.
Was the excuse we gave.

The car was totalled and a complete loss, to this day I still think it was because the car was a Volvo that it withstood the abuse from the wreck. The cops were pretty cool, I remember them asking whats with all the loose brillo in the back seat they couldn’t get in any of the doors because it was all smashed up. All I said was, “I dont know”. The ambulance EMT’s bandaged up the cuts and scrapes all over my hands. After the police did a run on our backgrounds, we were frisked down but they didnt come close to finding the dope. Kris had an outstanding warrant and was whisked away in the back of the police car [what luck at least he was high though]. I hopped a ride with the tow truck driver and got dropped off at some impound lot, called for a ride and went back to my apartment. That was the 2nd car Kristopher totalled in a period of one week.

The second wreck was not quite as intense but still a stupid mistake on his part. He was doped up as usual and was buzy picking up the pieces of crack he spilled all over his lap. Not paying attention that he was approaching a tollbooth going easily 50 mph. Kris rearended some unlucky motorist stopped waiting in line to pay his toll. On impact the Lincoln Contenental [a large roomy nice car] just plowed into the stopped car. All his dope and gear went flying thru the air. That time he did get arrested for possesion as there was no time to clean up the evidence as the authorities were there in a heartbeat.

After totalling two cars with-in a week and getting arrested both times he was booted out of his house and of course I had to let him come stay at my place. Which was stressful as I mentioned above he was notorious for OD’ing. I would wake up in the morning and he would be up before me locked in the bathroom shooting up his morning shot. On more than one occasion I had to bust thru the door only to find him unconscious, blood still dripping from the injection site. He was one of those users that would get extremly grumpy after he got high, something I never understood. After slapping him around and giving him mouth-to-mouth CPR he would jump out of his overdose and start accusing me of trying to steal his dope. It started to bug me after awhile as I was saving his life and here I get some angry kid accusing me of trying to steal his dope when I had my own. Not to mention the fact of having to pay for the damages of breaking down MY bathroom door. It just got uglier and uglier after that. Soon I would come home open my pantry and see 4-5 purses stuffed behind some boxes on the floor. I told his come on, at least have the common courtesy of ditching the purses outside and not in my apartment.

It wasnt long before the police started coming by knocking on the door asking me questions. As on multiple occasions people say they saw him running into my apartment [a house 2-flat] with a couple of purses. Cops being the dickheads they are assumed it was me and soon there was a squad parked down on the corner most of the time. I was reaching my limits with him and trying to maintain my habits without the added irritation of constant police visits. Once I was trying to quit heroin using pills and meth-amphetamine and I was up for a few days with no sleep. The meth was distracting me from my the sickness of not taking heroin, but I was slowly loosing my mind at the same time. I would snort a line, smoke a few hits, and than spend ungodly amounts of time trying to register a hit with the needle. I was to sped up and just plain out of it to hit a vein let alone see straight. Than one day after repeatingly stabing myself at least 20-30 times trying to hit my veins, the doorbell rang. Not thinking straight I thought it was somebody coming over. Not this time it was the midddle of winter and I was wearing nothing but shorts, buckets of sweat dripping off of me. Who is at the door? You betcha the good old friendly police. The started questioning me about some car burglary that happened down the street. I said I have no idea what you are talking about, when they switched subjects and started asking my why I had blood dripping all down my arm. I was just gone, out-of-it, clueless to the fact that its 8 or 9 degress outside and I am shirtless, dripping blood and soaked in sweat. Trying desperately not to let my twitching jaw start rambling on about nonsense.

They left that time, unbelievably. Only to return a few days later to arrest me on 7 counts of credit card fraud, and 6 counts of some other felony relating to the credit cards. I was on probation at the time and I absolutely did not commit those crimes, that case went on for two fucking years before they finally dropped the case knowing they couldnt get me. Even though I was at work when these events transpired, even though a Private Investigator we hired tracked the time it would have taken me to leave work on lunch [as they claimed] and go make all the purchases which were time stamped because of the credit card usage.  It didnt help that I had lost that job because I was coming down from a meth-amp binge and up for a few days than shot a few bags of dope in the bathroom, woke up on the toliet a half-hour later and proceded to make it to my desk where I passed out face first into my keyboard [to be brief my former employer wasn’t too cooperative in colleberating myside of the story aka the truth].

Of course it turned out it would have taken me a good 2-2.5 hrs to commit all the crimes and get back to work but my work could absolutely verify I was gone that day for .5 or 2hrs on lunch, fuckers, err [see above as to why, thats another post another nightmare though]. They had a photoline up that they brought to each of the places I was accused of using the credit card to but such insane items as a door knocker, a bagel sandwich, a set a screwdrivers, a candybar, and one or two just as ridiculous purchases.

If I stoled a credit card I sure as hell wouldn’t be buying that, I probably would have went straight to the power tools and stocked up only to resell at a pawn shop. Of course this photoline up had 10 pictures total including me, my photo was the only one with a black background all the others were white background. After the Private Investigator got ALL the witnesses to recant on there statements and prove that the photoline up was completely unethical and borderline illegal. The store owners told the PI [which all the interviews were tape recorded] that the police held the photo line up to them with ther ebig fat pudgy cop finger pointing right at my picture, saying “Are you sure this isnt the guy?”. Still the state wouldnt drop the charges they were out for a kill or at the very least a plea which would involve me violating my probation and off to jail. We eventually had to hire a handwriting analysis to state that in no way were the signatures mine, they tried to get me to write handwriting samples at the police dept. which I outright flatly refused. Fuck you, prick do your fucking job. At that point after a 2 year trial the state FINALLY dropped the charges. They have been after me ever since. Again with these last cases I had poss. of heroin, poss of a hypodermic needle, DUI [drugs], disorderly conduct, resisting a police officers, etc, etc. they would not back down. I was caught pretty much red-handed but they still would not back down and wanted jail time, I am not in jail fuckers. Leave me alone.

Its unfortunate my record will follow me around forever, last count I think I have been charged with 32 felonies, and god knows how many misdemeanors. Fortunently I have only been convicted of 2 felonies one of those I had expunged off my record, and a handful of misdemeanor convictions. So when the fucking cock-sucking States Attorneys see my record they get a little pissed I have beaten so many cases and they come at me hard. This last case they brought up some bullshit about burglary in my bond call, a charge I beat yet they still brought it up to the judge, fucking me over and increasing my bond to 100K [10 thousand to walk], after a bond reduction hearing we got it down to 25K [$2500 to walk] but all those idiotic adventures and mistakes I made in the past will always be there to haunt me in my life. Good luck getting any kind of decent job with a background like that unless I have a good connection or I have own business. If I wasnt able to afford a lawyer and duly have good representation I surely would be sitting in a jail cell, like a handfull of my friends are today. Its boils down to having great supportive parents who hate the cops and the bullshit the spew out of there mouths, even though I have been a horrible son they have always stuck around to help me out. I don’t even want to think of the money they have doled out on Lawyers and Private Investagators and Specialists, Doctors, Shrinks, meds, and the list goes on and on. On legal representation alone we are pushing 30-40K easy, its not a subject I like to bring up as I am always reminded very quick what they have done for me.

The legal system is so corrupt and money orientated its disgusting, especially when your dealing with the Chicago court system one of the most corrupt state govt’s. in the country. Some of the sneaky tricks my laywers have had other people pull so there hands wouldnt get dirty are straight out of a movie. Direct cash pay-off’s, a wide circle of inside friendships with judges and other prosecutors, have kept me free and on the streets. I have used the same firm from day one and they are great to say the least, although I am a little pissed at my latest sentence, eh but what can you do? Its just is sickening to think what a little money can get you I feel so sorry for those poor, black, inner-city youths who are forced to use Public Pretenders who basically work for the State assuring that the subject will at least plea out, another conviction on the books and off the the state pen.

The county I am at now has a 90% conviction rate for felonies, and I read in the paper the other day the S.A. saying he wants to do better than that. WTF? I had a chance to beat my case but the odds were stacked high against me and if I would have taken it to trial [bench trial most likely, fuck a public jury] I most likely wouldnt have got the same sentence I recieved but they stack those odds against you so high that if you do take it to trial and you lose your straight fucked. I would either be in jail for 2-5 yrs. or I would have had a fenlony reduced to a misd. and have not even been placed on probation. It was so tempting to fight it as I had no heroin in my possession all I had was a tincan cooker which they swabbed and the residue came back positive so they charged me with poss. of heroin even though I had none. That would be like the State scraping a pot pipe and charging you with poss. of marijuana, come on.

Although it does get worse currently a friend who coincidently got a lighter sentence than me on the exact same charges I had except he had 8 or so bags of heroin in is possession, I am surprised they didnt try to charge him with ‘intent to dist.’ the fuckers. Anyways, he got off lighter than me and recently OD’d and somebody anonymously phoned in a tip to his probation officer that he over-dosed. Now they are charging him with a VOP [violation of probation] for the OD and get this charging him with poss. of heroin because it was in his blood stream. I mean get fucking real. We are not hardened violent criminals, we are massively drug addicted HUMANS who have a problem. It sickens me that they try to fix the problem by throwing us in a state pen, where is costs something like 30K a year to house a inmate. Where as placing a defendant in a drug rehab costs almost half of what it costs to keep him in jail. When will the govt. and state wake up and pull there heads out of there fat asses and realize that the world doesnt revolve around money and tax dollars, it revolves around caring, nurturing, and love. Doing whats best for your fellow man, its not coincidence that this country and its ethics are falling to pieces. Stop treating addicts like criminals and allow them the help they deserve, so what if its his 12th time in rehab. Addiction in my eyes is a disease and justly should be treated as one. Someday, they will see the light but I have a disgusting feeling it will be well to late as the world comes crashing down upon them. I am sure god will have mercy on those ignorant, greedy, people out there. It just saddens me so much the state in which our society is in, we are not going to last much longer if this keeps up.

Ok I went off on a huge tangent and skipped over alot that I wanted to bring up concerning the treatment of addiction and the choices available to the destitute in America. Just keep them confined to their neighboorhood or jail and provide them with cheap state funding for the syrup of destruction aka Dethadone. I wont even get started on that…

Just to let you know I plan on starting my detox off of Suboxone [buprenorphine] any day now and I plan on documentating it here, fully. Including my dose schedule, my taper, my supplemental medicines to help decrease my withdrawl symptoms. I am pretty well stocked on all my detox meds I just need to pick up some more clonadine to add to my cocktail. Currently I am taking roughly 4mg a day and that is spread out into 2-4 times a day insufflated. I wont get into that here as thats another post and this is long enough already.