Colorado - 1994

Returning back from a short visit to the parental figures and the innercity, Jimmy is strapped with a multiple grams of heroin as he steps of the small airplane, glad to be on the ground and back home in Crested Butee. His friends are in the lounge waiting with fingers crossed. I grab my carry on bag and join them, small talk ensues and the main issue is brought to light. How much did you bring? I laugh and tell them just enough for me, your going to have to stick with your tar smack, while I hit the slopes with my rocky powder. We all get into the old battered 4-Runner and zoom back into town past the downtown strip and into our condo. Where’s the dope? Alright call down, here is a gram for you Brent, a gram for you Kris and a 1/2 gram for you Zieter, that leaves me with 3 grams before I have to switch back to colorado dope, yucky tar. Although this town is a Sitterpharmaceutical free for all from all the ski/board injuries I prefer illicit medicine to ease my pains. We all sit down in front of the roaring fire-place and rig up together, I just do a small shot as I have been banging dope the whole day across the country and in the sky. I settle back with a Fat Tire Ale and listen to the gossip about whats been happening in town since I left. Nothing the but usual wild parties, insane amounts of cocaine, and girls. What day it is is unimportant to me as everyday is the same, wake up late, click into my bindings and ski skate out our back door and ride the gentle slope to the ski lift thats a 2-3 minute glide for us. No waiting on the ski bus. I want to see Jenny but she is off visiting her parents for winter break, all the better I am to stoned to get it up.
Zip————–

New Hampshire 1997

I open the door to the growroom and I am met with a bursting aroma of heat, slight humidity all intertwined with a handful of strains [Shiva Shanti, Northern Lights, NL #5, Skunk red hair] all the real deal aquired from a trip across the sea. I figure on 3-8 days till harvest depending on what plant. They are being starved of water these previous days in an attempt to squeeze every nanogram of THC and its friends into the arm length buds. I shut the door and sit on the floor and look at my face in the crinkled mylar attached to the corners of the room as to not loose any light. The two 1000 watt HPS suns are glowing strong. I can hear taylor downstairs blasting some beatles music… Quote: It’s getting better all the time, I used to get mad at my school, the teachers that taught me weren’t cool I lay in the neatly organized rows of plants and marvel at this grow bumper crop for sure. I will do 2 more watering 1 today which is a mix of carbonated water and fruit punch. The dry plants soak up the sweet tasting brew and I hope my intentions will be realized and I will have a little bit tastier smoke.
Zip——–

California - 1999′ish

I really forget lol stoned on the beach some girl I have known for 2 months trying to convince me not to rent a sleeping space in one of the sailboats in the harbor, why dont I move in with her. Whaaat…? was my reply. I just happen to get involved with this girl on a random notion I was bored. I dont like her place even though its nice I just dont feel right about it. I stay for a week and make up my mind no matter how good the sex is I dont want to live with her. Thinking back I wonder what could have came out of that scenario? Shit I could be a movie star, or dead, or a model, or a beach bum, or strung out on speed and shitty tar? Who knows maybee I would have finished school as UCSB. What would have been will never be known. Its days like this that I wish I would have taken that chance just to see what it brought me. Instead I didnt for reasons I know not. My eyes dripped with tears the day she drove me to the airport to return home. I should have given her a chance. Oh, well thats life.
Zip—–

New York - 2002

Another place where I wish I would have given a better change there were many opportunities out there for me as strong connections were abound, instead I wasted away shooting coke and heroin. I should have stayed. Who knows where I’d be today. Dead? Or successful? Its an expensive place to live our rooftop apartment rented out for 3500$ a month?!?! Insane, just as I was. Thank god for friends and Western Union and Mommy and Daddy. Bad place to try and clean up, I’ll leave it at that.
Zip—–

Chicago - 1995′ish

Our small apartment was set back from the street and I drownded myself in booze to avoid negative forces pulling me back into narcotica. Too many drugs to many problems. The city just wasnt in my plans this season as I needed leafy quite retreats not a 10 minute jaunt to heroin heaven. I remember somebody filling up the needle out of my fishbowl to shoot a shot of rollercoaster cocaine, I had enough. Bail on the lease.
Zip——

Outskirts of Chicago - Summer 2005

Going slowly insane and tired of medications tired of life and tired of everything. I am protected from life living here as everything is frozen in time. I still get a daily allowance, I still have needles stashed, I have a nice car, I have a bank account, I have copious amounts of pill bottles, I dont work, I party part–time [which is probably 60 hrs a week to most ppl] as of late. I have everything I need but a damn girl friend the last 2-3 g/f’s I flew thru were of no real interest to me just a mere fuck or suck, although I do seem to have a strange attachment to the last one even though I truly didnt like her and its still fucks me up. Its only been 5 months since my last girlfriend and I need a new one badly, mainly for my emotional state. I know something will happen soon, I will make an outgoing attempt soon as I am a pussy and just wait for girls to come to me. I dont want this to be a summer of 1-5 night stands. I want a girl that I enjoy her company to lay with me in the wooded backyard at night drinking booze till I feel looped just holding her in my arms content. I wonder if it will happen, time will tell I guess. 11 years of undetailed memories.
“Down To The River To Pray” As i went down to the river to pray Studyin about that good ol’ way and who shall wear the starry crown? Good Lord show me the way! O sisters let’s go down Lets go down, Come on down O sisters lets go down Down in the river to pray As I went down in the river to pray Studyin about that good ol way And who shall wear the robe & crown Good Lord show me the way O brothers lets go down Let’s go down, Come on down O brothers lets go down Down in the river to pray As I went down in the river to pray Studyin about that good ol way And who shall wear the starry crown? Good lord show me the way O fathers lets go down Let’s go down, Come on down O fathers lets go down Down in the river to pray As I went down in the river to pray studying about that good ol way And who shall wear th robe and crown Good Lord show me the way O mothers lets go down Come on down, don’t you wanna go down? O Mothers lets go down Down in the river to pray As I went down in the river to pray Studin about that good ol’ way And who shall wear the starry crown? Good Lord show me the way O sinners lets go down Lets go down, come on down O sinners lets go down Down in the river to pray As I went down in the river to pray Studyin about that good ol way And who shall wear the Robe and crown? Good Lord show me the way whats next I ask you?

[old post] Will this summer be different than the last? A question I always tell myself it will be. I would give my pinkie finger for the ability to change my lifestyle. I can do it, I just have to make the effort.